I am also a stay-at-home wife / mom.
I think those comments you refer to arise from misconception:
I think most people have to or have had to be employed for a paycheck. They equate being at home to having a vacation or time off. People who work have to rely on convenience items or lower expectations to make a home and maintain a job. This leads to the assumption that the parenting, cooking, housekeeping etc that a full-time homemaker does (and I’m not talking about the ladies who lunch, but hardworking homemakers) is the same level of effort that the working person exerts in these activites, and the balance is like a never-ending weekend.
If my husband, who is a phenomenally driven career man, is going to succeed, he needs good nutrition, comfort, and free time. The same concept applies to the children. If I didn’t provide that for them, they would still be driven to succeed but they would lack the advantage of a good operational base.
I’m an excellent home manager. It’s my role in the family to “dwell on such things” so they don’t become issues for everyone else.
I liken my situation to the person who is self-employed and loving it.
I hope this helps. I also get unpleasant comments, but I just realize they don’t understand.