- This topic has 6 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 13 years, 9 months ago by imported_refuge821.
January 19, 2007 at 1:49 pm #20107Anonymous
I’m “suddenly single” again and there are literally hundreds of dating sites out there, from the huge to the tiny niche sites; I haven’t found any that are for frugal people, though. Non-frugal people tend to look at me as a cheapskate or tightwad, so the fact that I have very little money really puts a damper on dating, unless the other person is like-minded. Any thoughts/suggestions?February 8, 2007 at 7:52 am #21450Anonymous
There is a wonderful book by Janet Luhrs:Simple Loving, which seems to be a sort of companion to The Simple Living Guide which Janet also authored. There are some really fun, simple,imaginative, doable suggestions and examples of things others on the path to simplicity have done to find and keep romance while remaining committed to their values, including frugality. Unfortunately, most people have been socialized (dare I say “brainwashed”)by advertising to believe that bigger is better and that more,more,more,more,more should be our daily life motto. Anyone who deviates from this is often seen as strange, just plain nuts, or even a threat to the American Way of Life which is based on consumerism and tries to convince us that consumption/buying/acquiring stuff is what will make us happy. Well most people have acquired so much stuff following that theory, that a whole new business has sprung up out of this phenomenon. The Mini-Storages which have popped up everwhere almost overnight, where you pay them a monthly fee to store tons of stuff you don’t have room for, rarely, if ever use, really do not need and really never did.
But…HELLOO. IF getting stuff was the real deal that made us happy,why would we have to keep getting even more stuff and more stuff and more stuff? DUH!Is anyone getting this?
Sweetie, I would encourage you to live your life on your terms, based on YOUR values NOT what others think is cool or desirable in a date or a mate. Living true to who you are is much better than being with someone who thinks you are just going through a phase or that they can encourage you to get a ‘real’ job or a ‘better’ job (by their perspectives) and can help you get back on track with the things that really matter (to them and the socialized world).
Thoreau said something to the effect of Beware of jobs that require new clothes; I would add to that: Beware of relationships that require new clothes, because new clothes symbolize not only clothing, but ill-fitting attitudes, ideas, masks/facades who others want us to take on; or of who we think others want us to be if we are to be with them. When you find somone to be with, don’t you want them to be interested in and comfortable with who you are. Be real, be authentic. Many people will find that attractive and sexy as hell knowing you are real and true and not playing a part as a means to an end. BE YOU! Enjoy all parts of your life including the aspects of being single again. Blessings on your New Beginning.February 13, 2007 at 12:11 am #21459Anonymous
While I cannot agree with the Janet Luhrs recommendation (she is VERY VERY preachy and EXTREMELY limited in her “acceptable” paths, and she repeatedly offers contradictory advice) I agree with most everything else that Lesley says. One point that took a while for me to realize was that I need not be ashamed of being frugal (or as I prefer a “conserver” rather than “consumer:), rather I could be quite proud of it. When my less frugal associates would try to rib me about it, I’d make some healthy comparison such as pointing out that our cars look essentially the same age, but I paid a fraction of what they did, or that rather than having to work 50 hours a week to afford that new suit, I chose to work 20 hours a week and travel instead. Find your own way to be proud of being who you are. Not only is this good for your own self image and confidence, which both help in finding a partner, but in being proud and unashamed to talk about your own life, including the frugality of it, you might just find out that others you already know, or those just one step away from those you know share that trait. I consider all of the ribbing I catch from friends, especially at parties or in public, to be free advertising for me. Those who would laugh at that characteristic are not the ones I am interested in so I could not care less what they think.
Good luck and have fun!
StormJune 3, 2007 at 7:17 pm #21505Anonymous
Maybe this is more a word of encouragement than anything
else, but when I met my future husband, he told me very
simple and very straight forward “I’m a bargain shopper.
I have what I own by working for it. I’m thankful for
everything I have and everything I am given.” He was honest. Just like “Forrest Gump” he did what he had to do,
worked when he had to work, cleaned when he had to clean
and shopped to get the most from his hard earned cash.
There really is no argument to that way of living. I
admit, there were women that could not deal with this and
tended to want to spoiling that some men could give. I
fell in love with the person. Even though I worked and
was able to afford more extras, I still learned his ways.
Now, we’re married, we have two houses, no debt other than
mortgage, our daughter and us are happy and healthy. There
is nothing more I can think of that I would want and
certainly nothing that I can think of that God would take
me home with other than the love I hold inside of me for
Him and my family. And you have no idea how many times my
friends have asked if he has any brothers. All the single
ones want to know where they can find one just like him!
My point is – Don’t be afraid to be straight-up and honest
right off the bat. Giving of yourself is far more valuable
than possessions and trinkets. Take care.January 7, 2010 at 8:45 pm #21889imported_TeroParticipant
I would make two suggestions. First one, living frugally is a point in your favor, in my option. Market it as such, talk about why living that way is important to you. If a real potential partner sees that there is really thought behind it, I am sure that there will be less of a reaction to it.
There are lots of folks out there that like to lessen quality and excuse laziness as being frugal. They are not the same thing.
Now in that same vein, I would encourage you to think out side of the box when it comes to dating. Instead of letting someone know that you can not take them out to a 60 dollar dinner, make a beautiful picnic and take them to see the sunset.
Find a nature trail that you have already walked and hid a small surprise for your date along the way.
There are tons of high quality thoughtful ways to woo someone and not come across as cheap. ;)
Best of luck, hope you find all you are looking for soon.February 15, 2010 at 2:34 pm #21886imported_mendandmakedoParticipant
Hi- I'm new to the forum and it is difficult to meet like minded people, what ever it is your mind likes. People do think we frugallers are 'tight wads' so let them – most of the people I meet are not rich and can not waste money, when they see what I do, they're interested. I've had a stream of people visit to see my wood burning stove (and I live in a town not the country) and people who want recipes for my home cooking – frugal people are uncomplicated and people like that, frugal people are enviromentally aware and people like that too – my husband and I make friends through repeated activities from the allotments, from the weekly recyling trips and from car boot sales and jumble sales where we buy plants and seedlings – we make friends from dog walking and talking to our neighbours whilst we're out walking. Your time will come and you may meet someone unfrugal and lure them into a simpler life, like my husband did to me – I met a poor man who was infinitely resourceful, who makes birthday cards for me and plants bulbs in little pots for me to have hyacinths at christmas – he spends next to no money at all and seduced me with his charms and money had nothing to do with it.February 16, 2010 at 9:31 pm #21894imported_refuge821Participant
That's so good! It's all about showing yourself friendly, isn't it? And being willing to share who you are and let others be who they are. Eventually the good wears off on folks and they get inspired by seeing a new version of what frugal means compared to what they thought. Thank you for sharing!
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