- This topic has 6 replies, 1 voice, and was last updated 17 years, 10 months ago by Anonymous.
November 28, 2003 at 11:08 am #19909Anonymous
My in-laws are extremly materialistic and I am constanstly being tormented for my frugality. Does anyone else have this problem?December 1, 2003 at 5:51 pm #20945Anonymous
Can you give an example of ‘tormenting’?December 2, 2003 at 4:16 am #20948Anonymous
Come up with a snappy reply – like “When we have more money, we will be able to be less frugal!” And don’t tell your inlaws your business! You could even stay away from them more also.December 2, 2003 at 1:17 pm #20950Anonymous
Anyone who engages in a lifestyle not promoted by the mainstream of culture will face resistance and fear from others. If one’s choices promote a happy, healthly lifestyle, the example will be noticed and defensive words unnescessary. I would suggest dropping all references to your lifestyle as ‘frugal’, ‘inexpensive’, ‘less wastefull’, etc. These terms will most likely provoke fear and anger in those committed to high consumption of resources. Your choices can exist as your choices without a label to defend them. When challenged on a specific issue, one can gently question “Why do you think …..?” Allow them a full response and then follow with a “Thank you” and nothing more. Hopefully, this will demonstrate repeatedly that you feel secure enough in your choices to be concerned that they have the opportunity to respectfully express an opinion which you can respectfully accept as THEIR opinion. I don’t believe you want to make enemies of these people, but to feel secure and respected in your own choices. Show them how to do it!December 11, 2003 at 6:23 am #20955Anonymous
Suggest that they get a copy of the ‘Wealthy Barber’. ÝThis guy shows a road map for becoming wealthy by being frugal and not trying to “keep up with the Jones” so to speak. ÝBorrow a copy from the library so you understand what I mean or buy it off the internet at Ebay for their Christmas gift. ÝIf you think that would help.
By the way what has your husband been doing when they ‘attack’ so to speak your frugal ways? ÝIf he isn’t backing you Ýthen find out why. ÝIt sounds like you might have to bite the bullet so speak. ÝAre you by chance being too frugal or at least appearing to be too frugal? ÝFor instance my parents washed plastic utensils to be reused after a family get together. ÝThey didn’t have enough real ones at the time. ÝIf this is your problem then try finding more normal alternatives. ÝÝ Ý ÝJanuary 19, 2004 at 10:52 pm #20970Anonymous
i have found thru the years that just not talking about my frugality or even good deals i find with my inlaws and even some frineds works best for me .
i use to share with them where good deals etc were but not anymore – and TBH they will be forever broke too unless they hit the lottery – but dont seem interested in how not to be that way .
they never really tormented me but i also think they dont take some of it, esp. my ebaying so i can stay at home FT with the childen – as very serious .
On the other hand they and some of dh’s siblings also seem to assume we have extra money we dont have because we dont groan about money and not having it to do things that others can do or things they have.July 28, 2005 at 2:52 am #21262Anonymous
I know this is rather old but I’m rather new. My in-laws are always telling my DH I should work so we don’t have to be so frugal. I enjoy being frugal and being able to stay home with my son, even though he is 14 now I still feel he needs me there. My family is happier and healthier since I cook from scratch as much as possible. Something they don’t want to understand. They eat at Mcdonalds or other such places about 3-4 times a week. Another thing is they have so many material things but can’t see to being charitable, they hoard what they have even if they don’t use it. In regards to us, whatever we do have we share with whomever needs it. I just basically ignore them and smile and say “you may be right” and try to change the subject. Funny after 5 years I still get calls from his family telling so and so is hiring. ;D
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